Crazed Yugioh Fairytales
by Princess of cheese
Summary: What happens when you mix the YGO crew with fairytales? A whole heap of chaos and crossdressing!
1. Prolouge: The poster

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Yugioh, or any fairytales, okay?

* * *

In front of the Domino theatre there was a poster. This poster had just been put up by a fifteen year old girl, with short brown hair and green eyes, wearing long black pants, a long sleeved white shirt, black shoes and a black beret. She was Erin Connell, also known as Princess of Cheese, for reasons known only by her.

Anyway this is what the poster said:

**Crazed Yugioh Fairytales!**

All your favourite fairytales turned on their heads!

**Writer/Director/Producer: **Erin "Princess of Cheese" Connell

**Casting Director: **Bakura Ryou

**Costume Designer:** Mai Valentine

**Lighting/Sound Technician: **Mokuba Kaiba

**Set Designer: **Odion Ishtar

**STARRING**

Yugi Motou

Yami Motou

Joey Wheeler

Serenity Wheeler

Tea Gardener

Ryou Bakura

Seto Kaiba

Marik Ishtar

Malik Ishtar

Ishizu Ishtar

Duke Devlin

&

Tristan Taylor

**Includes**

Snow White

Cinderella

Sleeping Beauty

Plus many more!

**Begins: **19/8/05

**Price: **Free! But a donation of a review is appreciated.

Let's see what happens, shall we?


	2. Snow White

Okay everyone, I am so sorry for not updating sooner but my computer was acting up, and I couldn't get on the net. But I'm updating now!

Plus a big thanks to **Chibi Blue Angel, Rose Muto, Soon-to-be-Yami'sgirl, COOL ONE, Irite4uall, Icy Sapphire15 **and **Chained and Torchered **for reviewing. Sorry to keep you guys waiting for so long!

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Yugioh. Don't own Snow White. Don't own Band-aids. Don't own the coconut gag.

**Warning:** Bakura is an evil little bastard so the castings are a little…odd. That is, Snow White is being played by a guy. You have been warned.

**Explanation of Theatre terms: **(Note I'm only doing this once!)

Bio-Box – The box where the director and the lighting and sound technicians control the show from.

Stage left – The Actor's left

Stage right – The Actor's right

_Italics – Narration (done by Erin)_

* * *

"Okay everyone!" Erin announced, "First up is Snow White! Bakura, casting please!"

The white haired yami pulled a notepad out of his pocket and started to list off names. "Good Queen - Serenity, Evil Queen – Me," he then bowed, "Snow White – Kaiba, Huntsman – Joey, Dwarves – Yugi, Ryou, Marik, Malik, Tea, Tristan and Duke, Prince – Yami and the rest of you can go get stuffed for all I care."

"You have to be kidding!" Kaiba death-glared Erin.

"What?" Erin looked as innocent as possible. "Bakura did the casting, not me. Plus, you'd look good in a skirt."

"Now get out of here! There are people coming in twenty minutes!"

* * *

The curtains opened up to reveal a big set. Stage Left was a castle, where Serenity was sitting in a gorgeous long sleeved red dress, sewing, and Stage Right was a forest, with the Dwarves' house very Stage Right.

_Once there was a Queen, who more than anything longed for a daughter. One day, while it was snowing, she was sitting by a window sewing._ _She pricked her finger and drew blood. _

Blood dripped onto the stage floor and Serenity wailed, "I really pricked my finger!"

Inwardly groaning, Erin said, "Could someone please get the girl a band-aid? And then can we get on with this? I want to see Kaiba in a skirt!"

After Tristan and Duke had finished fighting over who had the 'right' to give Serenity her band-aid, (Joey won), and the show went on

_After looking at the blood on the snow, and the ebony window-frame the Queen said;_

"I wish I had a daughter as white as snow, as red as blood and as black as ebony wood."

Mokuba then expertly dimmed the lights on Serenity.

_Soon after, her wish was granted. A daughter was born with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and hair as black as ebony. She was called Snow White. Soon after her birth, the queen died._

The lights then came up again, revealing Bakura in a long black dress, with fake black fingernails and heavy black makeup, in front of a long floor length mirror.

_A year passed and the king married again. But his new queen was a bitch who believed she was the sexiest beast to walk the earth. Everyday the queen faced her enchanted mirror and said;_

"Mirror, mirror on the wall,

Who in this land is the sexiest of all?"

_And every day the mirror replied;_

"You are, queen, the sexiest of them all." Mokuba replied over the voice over.

_And the queen was pleased._

_Years past and Snow White grew into a very sexy young woman._

Kaiba then entered Stage Left, wearing a blue mini dress, black strappy heels, a black wig and red lipstick. Meanwhile, the bio-box (and the audience) burst into laughter.

"Go Kaiba! You're so sexy baby!"

"Blue is defiantly your colour, oniisan **(1)**!"

_Anyway, one day the queen looked into her mirror and said;_

"Mirror, mirror on the wall,

Who in this land is the sexiest of all?"

"Queen, you are very sexy, it's true,

But little Snow White is _way_ sexier than you!"

"Amen to that!"

Meanwhile, Bakura was throwing a trade mark fit. "How dare that little slut take my title! I'll get her!"

"Remind you of anyone, Kaiba?"

"Could you just shut up?"

"Huntsman!" Bakura yelled. Joey rushed on, dressed like a, well, huntsman.

"What do ya want, yer majesty?"

"Take that little brat, Snow White, into the forest, and kill her. And bring me back her heart, lungs and liver as proof."

"It shall be done." Joey then grabbed Kaiba by the arm and dragged him to the forest.

_But when it was time for the huntsman to kill Snow White, he was so moved by her sexiness that he let her go._

But, on stage the reality was different. Joey was hitting Kaiba over the head with his wooden axe, yelling, "Die Kaiba! Die, die, die!"

"I said he let her go!"

"DIE!"

"Damn it Joey!" Erin then pressed a button that drenched Joey in 5 litres of water. He then stopped pummelling Kaiba.

"What'cha do that for?"

"Just let him go already!"

"Alright, alright. Get out of here, moneybags."

_Just then a boar ran past. The huntsman attacked it, killed it and cut out its heart, lungs and liver, and took it to the queen._

_Snow White then ran through the forest for hours and hours, until she saw a cottage. She went inside and saw that it had seven little chairs, with seven little knives and so on and so forth. It was also very dirty._

"It looks like seven mini-Joeys live here!"

"I HEARD THAT KAIBA!"

_So she decided to clean up._

Kaiba 'cleaned' the house, i.e. he got the cast members who weren't going anything to do it for him.

_Then she went to sleep in one of the little beds._

Of, course, the bed was made for someone of Yugi's height, so Kaiba's legs were poking out the bottom.

_Late that night the owners of the cottage come home. They were seven Dwarves, who had been working all day at the mines. When they saw that their house was clean, they were shocked. When they saw Snow White, they were even more shocked._

All the dwarves were dressed as garden gnomes by the way.

"Who the hell is this?" Malik asked.

"How should I know?" his hikari replied.

"She's so sexy!" noted Ryou.

All the other dwarves looked at Ryou, shocked.

"What? It's in the script!"

"We have a script?" asked Yugi.

"Yes we do! Now get on with it!" screamed Erin.

"Um, Erin, it's your line." noted Tea.

"Oh, yeah."

_When Snow White woke up she was shocked to see all the strange midgets-_

"Vertically challenged people!" screamed Yugi.

_Vertically challenged people looking at her. However, she told them what had happened, and they agreed to let her stay if she'd do all the housework that they were too lazy to do._

"I agreed to WHAT!"

"It's in the story Kaiba!"

_Meanwhile in the palace…_

"Here you go your majesty!" Joey chucked a pig's internal organs at Bakura.

"Thank you." Bakura then proceeded to eat them.

In the bio-box, Erin muttered to Mokuba, "Do you think he knows they're real?"

To which the younger Kaiba replied, "Do you really think he cares?"

_Then the queen asked her mirror;_

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Who in this land is the sexiest of all?"

"Queen, you are very sexy it's true,

But deep in the woods were seven dwarves dwell,

Snow white is still alive and well,

And she is sexier than you!"

_When the queen heard this, she was angry because she knew the huntsman had tricked her._

"If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself!"

_So, she made a very poisonous apple, dressed like an old woman, and headed for the house of the seven dwarves._

_Meanwhile, the dwarves were leaving for the mines._

"Snow White, whatever you do, don't talk to strangers!" Yugi said.

"And don't leave the house!" Duke added.

"After all you're our friend and we have to look after you!" Tea yelled.

Everyone one onstage and in the bio-box anime fell.

After that, the Dwarves walked off. And then Bakura, dressed like a hag, walked on.

He knocked on the door. "Apples for sale! Apples for sale!"

"Go away, you old hag! I don't want to talk to you!"

"Just have one! It's free!"

"FREE!" Kaiba, being the miser that he his, stuck his head out of the window.

Bakura then gave him the apple.

"How do I know it's not poisoned or anything?"

Bakura took a big bite out of the apple. "Like this."

"Hey, Erin, how could Bakura survive the poison?" Mokuba asked.

"It's really easy when you're already dead."

_So anyway, the very silly Snow White took a bite out of the apple. As soon as it touched her lips, she fell into a deep sleep. And as in all good fairytales, it could only be broken by true love's first kiss. _

_When the dwarves returned home to find Snow White 'dead', they were over come with sorrow. They built w coffin made of glass, so everyone could see how dead sexy she was. Then one day a handsome prince was riding through the woods…_

Yami 'rode' on stage, in his Pharaoh outfit . Well, he was miming and Odion behind him was bashing two coconuts together.

_When he saw Snow White in the coffin, he was overcome by her sexiness. So he rode up to the coffin and kissed her on the lips._

Yami, in reality was trying to get away.

"Yami! It's only a kiss! It won't kill you!"

"Yes it will!" Kaiba screamed.

"Shut up! You're supposed to be dead!" Erin pressed a button that caused a sand bag to wack him on the head, and knocked him out. "Now come on, Yami!"

"I don't really have a choice do I?"

"No. By the way Mokuba, you may not want to see this."

So, hurriedly, Yami kissed Kaiba, then ran away to wash his mouth out. By the time he came back on stage, Kaiba was conscious after Erin had dumped a ton of water on him.

_After that, Snow White woke up. And so Snow White and the prince rode away to his Kingdom and got married._

_Meanwhile with the queen…_

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Who in this land is the sexiest of all?"

"Queen, you are very sexy, it's true,

But the new queen is sexier than you"

"New queen? Who is this new Queen?"

"Snow White."

"WHAT!"

_The old queen was so overcome with rage that she jumped out the window and killed herself._

_And everyone else lived happily ever after._

_Especially me since I got photos of the whole thing._

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"GIVE THEM HERE!"

"See ya!" Erin then ran off as fast as she could.

**

* * *

****(1) **Oniisan – big brother.


	3. Cinderella

Hey every one! Thanks for all your support! Because of it I'm updating a day early! HOORAY!

Thank you to all reviewers!

**Disclaimer:** Yes, it's true, I don't own Yugioh, Cinderella or the good ol' coconut gag.

**Warning: **Yes, Bakura's at it again. CROSS DRESSING AHEAD!

**More theatre terms:**

Upstage – toward the back of the stage

Downstage -

_Italics – Narration by Erin_

"Erin, what are those…?" Yami asked, pointing to the photos that the girl held.

"Oh, just the photos from Snow White."

"Which ones…?"

"Oh, you know which ones."

Yami suddenly realised which ones, but Erin was already holding them over her head. Because she was taller than him, the 5000 year old pharaoh couldn't reach them.

Unfortunately for Erin, fortunately for Yami, the even taller Kaiba reached over and grabbed them, and ripped them up.

"Oh, well, I still have the negatives. Anyway, today we're doing Cinderella. Bakura, could you tell us the casting please."

"Okay. Cinderella – Yugi, Ugly Stepsisters – Marik and Malik, Stepmother – Tea, Fairy Godmother – Ryou, Prince – Joey, Coco-shoe man – Yami."

"Coco-shoe man?"

"You carry the shoe, and you bang the coconuts together." Erin explained.

"Well, at least I don't have to kiss Kaiba."

"Now, go away!"

_Once there was a man who loved his wife and daughter very much. But one day the wife died, and he remarried. His new wife was very mean, and had two ugly daughters, who were pretty bitchy as well. Then the man died, leaving his daughter with her mean stepmother and stepsisters._

The curtains opened up. This time the set was like this: Upstage stage right was the house while downstage stage right was the cellar. Stage left was the castle.

Yugi, in rags, was in the cellar, while Tea, in a black dress, and Marik and Malik, in ugly vomit green dresses were in the house.

_The stepmother made the little girl do all the house work. The girl slept in the cinders (ashes) of the fire and therefore by her stepfamily was called 'Cinderella'._

"I can't do that!" Tea wailed. "Yugi's my friend!"

"But _we_ can!" Malik yelled.

"Yeah! Work you pathetic pharaoh's hikari!" agreed Marik.

_Anyway one day the prince decided to hold a huge party at the palace (because he could) and all the young girls in the kingdom, including Cinderella. But because her stepmother was a bitch, she wouldn't let her go._

"Of course you can go Cindy!"

"Tea…"

"I mean, you can't go. Do the housework. How was that?"

"Good. Now we won't send you to the shadow realm." Marik replied.

"Not yet any way." His yami added.

The three of them walked over to the ball. And the crazed Ishtars tried to chat up Joey, who was dressed like a fairytale prince, while Joey was running crazily in circles, which was making poor Yami dizzy, because he had to follow him everywhere, bashing those two good ol' coconuts together.

_Anyway, poor little Cindy was pissed off that she couldn't go to the ball._

"WHY! Is it because I'm short?" Yugi yelled at the ceiling.

Erin and Mokuba sweat-dropped. Everyone else was watching Marik and Malik chase Joey (and Yami) around the stage.

"Do they really have to do that?" Mokuba said.

"Apparently, they do."

_Her magical fairy godmother heard her cries and appeared in a flash of light._

Suddenly, a strobe light started flashing, and Marik and Malik started having epileptic fits. Joey then ran over to the party, Yami close behind.

On the other side of the stage, Ryou 'appeared' wearing a light purple dress and dark purple fairy wings. He also had a wand.

The strobe then stopped.

"Who the hell are you?" Yugi screamed.

"I'm your fairy godmother! Who else would I be? By the way, do you think my wings are cute?"

Yugi sweat dropped. "Can we just get on with this?"

"Don't worry about him, Ryou, I think you're wings are very cute!" yelled Erin.

"Thank you. Okay, do you want to go to the party, Cindy?"

"YES!"

"Then stand still!"

The lights suddenly went off, and there was a lot of strange noises as the Ishtars woke up, and Yugi was trying to get changed in the dark.

"GET AWAY YOU PSYCHOS!"

"But you're our snuggle bunny!"

When the lights _finally_ came on, Yugi was in a long white dress and the traditional glass slippers (imported from Italy on Kaiba's credit card), and Joey was trying to stop Malik glomping him.

"Okay, that's it. Marik, Malik, why are you doing that to Joey?" Erin demanded.

"We thought it was in the script!" Marik pleaded.

"Well, it's not. Stop it!"

"Yes, mother."

_So the fairy godmother called a coach rental place an ordered Cindy a coach, because she couldn't find the right pumpkin. _

"Cindy, you have to be here by midnight, because that's when I have to return the coach. Oh, yeah and he magic will wear off as well."

_And in no time at all, Cindy was at the palace ball._

_Hey! That rhymed!_

"Could you just get on with it?" Mokuba complained.

"Sorry, Mokie."

_The prince was overcome by Cinderella's beauty and they danced all night, and made the ugly bitches, I mean stepsisters, very jealous. That is until midnight…_

"Oh shit! I have to go!" Yugi ran off, and of course, lost his shoe.

"No! Wait! My true love!" Joey ran after him, and then noticed Yugi's shoe.

"Oh! I shall not let it out of my sight!"

"Hey, Joey, don't over do it okay?"

"Sorry, Erin. Anyway, whoever this shoe fits shall be my wife!"

_The next day the prince and his faithful coco-shoe man went to see who the mysterious owner of the shoe was._

_No one fit the shoe. And then they came to Cinderella's house…_

"Hey let me try!" Malik jammed the shoe onto his foot.

"I'm sorry," Yami said, "It's too small."

"My turn!" It was too small for Marik's foot too.

"This shoe must belong to a midget!" Marik complained.

"Vertically challenged person!" Yugi came back on, dressed in his rags again.

"Well look, there's someone else!" Yami said. "Here try on this shoe."

_It fit of course. This is a fairytale, after all, however messed up it may be. _

"Oh, Cindy! I'm so proud of you!" Tea exclaimed.

"We warned you!" Malik then promptly sent her to the shadow realm.

_Anyway, the Prince and Cindy got married, had kids, and lived, of course, happily ever after. _

_By the way, the ugly stepsisters were sent to prison for sexual harassment, and sending innocent people to the shadow realm._

_And that everyone is the end._

_On a sidebar, photos of Snow White are available from the tickets booth for $19.95! Enjoy!_


	4. Sleeping Beauty

**Disclaimer: **According to my team of highly paid lawyers, I don't own Yugioh, Sleeping Beauty, or my good ol' friend, the coconut-acing-as-horse's-footsteps gag. They shall be fired tomorrow.

**Warning: **Bakura's gone missing, but his replacement loves to humiliate a few certain people so there shall still be cross-dressing!

_Italics – Narration (still done by Erin)_

"Um, guys," Erin said, "Where's Bakura?"

"How should I know?" replied Ryou.

"Maybe because he's your YAMI!"

"Oh, yeah. But, I still haven't seen him since the start of Cinderella."

"Oh god, don't remind me!" Joey ran off to clear those horrific images from his head.

"At least they didn't kiss you." Yami noted.

"Are you EVER going to get over that?" Erin asked.

"No."

"So anyway, who's going to do the casting for Sleeping Beauty?"

"I will!" Kaiba said.

"Aright then, shoot."

"King – Odion, Queen – Ishizu, Good fairies – Yami, Mutt and Ryou, Evil fairy – Mai, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) – Serenity, Prince – ME!"

"How did I know that was coming?" asked Yami.

"YAY! I get to be a fairy again!" screamed Ryou.

"Whatever, just go."

The set this time was a castle, with the tower very stage left, and the throne room stage right. Ishizu and Odion were in the throne room, dressed in King and Queen Costumes.

_Once in a Kingdom far, far, far, very far, away, there was a King and a Queen_ _who wanted nothing other than a daughter too call their own. And one day, surprise, surprise, a baby girl was born to them. And they called her Aurora, which means 'dawn'. _

_So they decided to throw huge party… I mean christening, and invite all the fairies in the land. But there was one they didn't invite, because she was really old and everyone thought she was dead or something because they hadn't heard from her in ages._

_But she was alive, and she wanted revenge for not being invited…_

The good 'fairies', also known as Yami, Joey and Ryou came on. Ryou was dressed in his fairy godmother outfit, and Yami and Joey were dressed similar, except Yami's dress was pink and his wings were red, and Joey's dress was light yellow and his wings were gold.

Backstage, Kaiba was doubled over with laughter…until…some one knocked him out and dragged him away…

_The good fairies gave Aurora gifts and stuff._

"I give her the gift of beauty." said Joey waving his wand like a maniac.

"I give her the gift of great charm and grace." Yami added.

"Oh, my Ra, they're turning her into a Mary-Sue!" Odion screamed.

"The horror!" Ishizu added.

_At that moment the evil, old, ugly-_

"Hey! I resent that!" came Mai's voice from the wings.

_Whatever. Anyway the evil fairy chose that moment to crash the party._

Mai entered wearing a long back dress and black bat-like fairy wings.

"Oh, look what a _beautiful_ little brat!" Mai exclaimed. "On her sixteenth birthday, she'll prick her finger on a spindle and DIE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Wow. Who knew Mai had such a cool evil laugh?" Erin noted.

"And there's nothing you can do about it you pitiful fairies!" Mai continued, "So there!"

She then walked out.

_And so the King and Queen were very upset about what the evil fairy just did, until the last good fairy stepped forward…_

"Um, well, I'm not as powerful as that ugly old hag," Ryou said, "But I can lessen its impact. Instead of dying, she will just sleep until she is kissed by her true love."

_Even so, for good measure, the King ordered the destruction off all the spindles in the kingdom. Which raises a question, what did they wear for the next sixteen years? I mean, they needed the spindles to make thread, so, where did they get thread from? I guess they had to import it or something._

_So, anyway, years past and Aurora grew up to be a beautiful Mary-Sue, I mean princess. She was perfect in every single way, which drove all the other girls in the castle mad._

_Then, on her sixteenth birthday, Aurora when exploring around the castle…_

Serenity came on, dressed like she was in Snow White. She walked up to Mai, who was dressed as an old woman.

"What are you doing?" asked Serenity.

"I'm spinning." replied Mai.

"Can I try?"

"Of course."

After a second Serenity pricked her finger. "OW! Why does that keep happening?" She then collapsed.

_Aurora then fell asleep, and the spinner, who was the evil fairy, ran off in glee, thinking that she was dead. _

_The King and Queen found her there, and, remembering what the good fairy had said, took her up to her bedroom to sleep._

_A hundred years passed, and the rest of the people in the castle died, and a wild forest of rose bushes grew up around the castle._

_Then one day a handsome (cough) prince came to the village near the castle…_

No one came.

_I said, a handsome prince came to the village!_

Still, no one.

"WHERE'S KAIBA?" Erin screamed.

"I don't care!" replied Joey.

"I know that!"

"Don't worry!" Tristan came on, "I'll be Serenity's prince!"

"NO!" Duke also came on, "I'll be Serenity's prince!"

"Guys," Erin asked, "Did you knock Kaiba out and stuff him in a cupboard?"

"Maybe…"

"Mokuba, go get your brother."

"Alrighty then!" Mokuba ran off to find him.

Ten minutes later, the show could go on. Kaiba came on, dressed in a prince costume, with Yugi on coconut duty.

_He asked the villagers who was in the castle, and they told him that a princess who had been sleeping for a hundred years was there. They also said that no one could get in._

"It doesn't matter! I believe that the princess that will be my bride is in that castle!"

_So the prince rode up to the castle, and when the got to the rose bush forest he hacked at it with his sword._

In fact, he was using Yugi's hair. It was probably more dangerous than a sword anyway.

_He went up to Aurora's bedroom, and was so captivated by her beauty that the kissed her. She then woke up._

After Kaiba kissed Serenity, a _very_ angry fairy godmother chased after him, yelling "Get away from my sister!"

If you can't work out who it is, you are an idiot.

_So the prince and Aurora went off to his kingdom, got married and lived happily ever after. _

_The end._

"I WANT BAKURA BACK!" yelled Erin. "KAIBA IS A SUCKY CASTER!"


	5. Rapunzel

I got some requests for what to do next, but I'd already started Rapunzel, and I was too lazy to start something new.

But the order for the next five _after_ Rapunzel is: Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Princess and the Pea, Aladdin, and the Gingerbread man. Thank you.

**Thank you all for reviewing!**

**Disclaimer: **It seems like I _still_ don't own Yugioh, or Rapunzel. Darn it!

**Warning:** Bakura's back, cross-dressing, blah, blah, blah…

"Bakura!" Erin glomped the yami, "You're back! Thank God! Kaiba sucks at casting more than Tristan sucks at Duel Monsters! What were you doing?"

"I'll tell you, if you get off of me."

"Sorry, Kura-chan"

"And don't call me that!"

"Sorry."

"Any way, I was attempting to take over America."

"Did it work?"

"Well, I got Las Vegas!"

"Hey guys!" Erin yelled to the rest of the cast. "Bakura's shouting lunch! And he's going to give us his _superior_ casting for Rapunzel."

"Okay, Mother – Duke, Father – Tristan, Witch – Kaiba, Rapunzel – Ryou and Prince – Yugi!"

"Okay guys let's get to it!"

The stage this time is the tower stage left, the parent's house stage right, and a big wall & garden in between them.

_Once there was a man and a…woman? Well, Duke does look like a girl. Anyway they longed for a child. One day the woman fell pregnant. Oh, how original. _

Duke, dressed as a woman, and Tristan dressed as a farmer, rushed on.

"Guys, you're _late._" Erin said menacingly.

"Sorry." They chorused.

_So, then the wife got cravings, I mean serious cravings for endive._

"What's endive?" Duke asked, "And why am I craving it?"

"1. It's in the story and 2. I don't know. I think it's like lettuce."

_And the only place where endive grew was next door in the garden of this really rich, mean, bastardy, witch. _

_So, because the husband was a big wimp who doers nothing for the plotline of the actual story, he was too scared to do it. _

"Do it, _please,_ Tristan?"

"Alright, alright!"

"YAY! I love you!"

"WHAT?" yelled everyone else in the immediate vicinity.

Duke sweat-dropped. "He, he, he, I didn't say any thing."

Erin & Mokuba anime fell. The audience got bad pictures in their heads. And Tristan was very disturbed. But, as they say, the show must go on.

_So the husband managed to sneak into the witch's garden and steal some endive, and wife was very happy and stopped throwing chairs at him._

_But soon she got the cravings again, and the husband had to get her more endive. But this time he was caught!_

Kaiba, in Bakura's witch outfit from Snow White, grabbed Tristan by the scruff of his neck, and yelled, "What are you doing in my garden?"

"Err, trying to get some endive for my pregnant wife?"

"Alright then take _all _the endive you want."

"Really? YAY!"

"But, you have to give me your child." Kaiba suddenly realised what he said. "Why would I want their brat anyway?"

"I don't know. 'Cause you're lonely?" Erin interjected.

"But I have Mokuba, don't I? Mokuba? Are you there?"

"What? I didn't hear you, Seto." Erin and Kaiba anime fell.

_So, when the baby, a girl, was born, the witch came and took her. She locked the child, whom she called Rapunzel, in a high tower._

_Sixteen years past and Rapunzel grew in to a beautiful young woman. With really long hair._

Ryou entered in the top of the tower, which was about two and a half meters off the ground. He was wearing a long deep purple dress, and a wig that was really, really long (and white).

_And whenever the witch wanted to check on Rapunzel she would say…_

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!"

Ryou chucked the end of his wig off the balcony and Kaiba tried to get up. Emphasis on _tried. _The wig came off Ryou's head and Kaiba went crashing to the ground.

"That's for doing such sucky casting for Sleeping Beauty!" yelled Erin.

_The one day a prince who was randomly just happening to be walking past, (_Someone _stole the coconuts) saw Rapunzel in the tower and how to get up and instantly fell in love. _

Yugi walked on, dressed in the good ol' prince costume, a little upset that he didn't have a horse.

"Oh cool! Random sexy girl in a tower!"

"Is everyone here gay?" Erin screamed.

"NO!" replied all the guys that were present.

"Anyway, Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!" Yugi yelled.

This time Ryou held his wig out of the window and Yugi climbed up. It also helped that Yugi was smaller than Kaiba.

_And so the prince and Rapunzel fell in love. The prince continued to visit for, a while until…_

"Why are you so heavy on my hair and the prince is so light?" Ryou asked Kaiba.

"What prince?"

"You know, the really hot one that comes around about 2, everyday?"

"WHAT!"

_Due to Rapunzel's stupidity, her hair was hacked off; she was chucked out of the tower to live on her own, and forbidden to see the prince for a month._

_So when the prince came around again…_

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!"

Kaiba held the wig out the window, and when Yugi got up there…

"Hey! You're too ugly to be Rapunzel!"

"Yugi, physics lesson for you. What would happen if I shoved you out of this tower?"

"He can't do that! Can he?" Yugi asked Erin.

The girl shook her head. "Sorry, Yugi. It's in the script."

_So the witch shoved the prince out of the tower, he fell into some thorns and was blinded._

Fortunately for Yugi, the tower on set had a mattress at the bottom instead.

_He wandered for many days, until he heard beautiful singing._

"MAKE IT STOP!" Erin & Mokuba had earmuffs on, and Yugi was running madly around the stage.

Apparently, Ryou was tone deaf.

_He recognised the singing as Rapunzel's and went over to her. When she saw he was blind, she cried._

Ryou had to stick an onion under his eyes to cry.

_Her tears healed the prince's sight, and the two of them headed out for the prince's kingdom and guess what? They lived happily ever after._

_But the witch was killed by a rampaging lynch mob, headed by Bakura, for really sucky casting, and being a mean rich bastard._

_The end._

Said lynch mob, which involved several reviewers, were already chasing after Kaiba.

Yes, things are back to normal.

Kaiba: (running past pursued by lynch mob) Save me!

Erin: Why?

Kaiba: Because you love me?

Erin: No, I don't.

(Kaiba runs away, screaming like a girl)


	6. Little Mermaid

Sorry for being so long! I had exams, and then I got caught up in FOOTY FINALS FEAVER! GO THE SWANS! (If you're not Australian, you probably won't get that last bit. Get over it.)

I'm not doing any review responses anymore for 2 reasons a) I heard that doesn't allow them anymore and b) I'm getting so many reviews it's taking me 20 minutes to do them all! It's taking too long!

I still want to thank you all though! Especially that person who reviewed twice by accident! (I won't tell them so you don't get embarrassed!)

**NOTE: **Kaiba would like to just say that he hates everyone who was in the lynch mob, that he was scarred for life, and that you will all be hearing from his lawyers soon.

I would like to say that if he does (send his lawyers), he shall spend the rest of the fic in a dress, even if he's playing a male character.

**Warning and Disclaimer: **You know the drill, I don't know anything, people are in drag, etc, etc…

* * *

"Um, Erin…" 

"What is it Bakura?"

Bakura looked at his feet. "I was so busy trying to kill Kaiba, and running Las Vegas, that I forgot to do the casting."

"You WHAT?"

"Don't make me kiss Yami!"

"No. I'm not that evil. But it does give me an idea… alrighty then," she then turned to everyone else, "_I'll _do the casting for the Little Mermaid. Ariel – Bakura,"

"Oh shit."

Erin continued on, "Ursula – Yami, King Triton – Marik, Prince Eric – Ryou, Grimsby – Joey, Adella – Serenity, Arista – Mai, Attina – Ishizu, Aquata – Kaiba, Adrina – Malik, Alana – Tea, Vanessa – Yami (Note: He plays two roles 'cause he's special.)." Erin finished. "Now get out of here! We have a show to do!"

The set today was: Stage left, King Triton's undersea realm, extreme Stage left, Ursula's cave, the middle was the ship, while Stage right was the castle.

_Under the sea, King Triton was the ruler of all. He had seven wonderful daughters, Adella, Arista, Attina, Aquata, Adrina, Alana, and the youngest, Ariel. Now none could match Ariel when it came to singing, she had the most beautiful voice in the entire undersea realm._

All the mermaids came on, suspended from the ceiling by ropes a meter from the ground. They were wearing mermaid tails and their bras were made of…

"ARE THEY MY SUPPLY OF COCONUTS?" Erin screamed.

"Maybe…" Mai muttered.

"Great! Now I've got to get new coconuts!"

"Why don't you use those ones?" Mokuba asked.

"After they've been on their chests? As if!"

Bakura chose that moment to start singing, and just like his hikari, he was tone deaf.

"I really have to get these guys singing lessons!" Erin screamed.

_But Ariel also had an unhealthy addiction with the world above the waves. She would dream about the day that she could be able to look above the sea._

Meanwhile all the undersea people were singing 'Under the sea' from the Disney version of The Little Mermaid. All very badly.

"Oh, Ra, save me from this unearthly torture!"

"Oh, Erin, just get over it!"

"Shut up, Mokuba."

_Then, on Ariel's sixteenth birthday, (why sixteen?), like all her sisters before her, she got to spend one night above the sea._

_Meanwhile, Eric, prince of somewhere or other, was also having a birthday celebration, on his boat._

"w00t! Party!" Ryou yelled from the boat, in his prince costume.

"Whatever." Joey, in servant dress, then proceeded to be 'seasick', i.e. trying to hit the merpeople (Mainly Kaiba) with his fake vomit.

Bakura then popped up. "Do I really have to say this? I feel like a homo!"

"Well, Bakura, technically, you're a girl now, so it doesn't matter." Erin replied.

"He is so hot!" Bakura said sarcastically.

"Thank you. Now you will not die a painful death."

"But I'm already dead."

"SHUT UP! You know what I mean!"

_Just then, because God or Ra, or whatever you want to call him, was in a bad mood, a storm blew up. And Prince Eric's ship was wrecked. Ariel managed to save him and bring him to shore._

"What the hell…?" Ryou stammered, after Bakura managed to carry him to shore.

"See ya later, sexy!" Bakura hopped back in the ocean.

"Oh my God, she was really HOT!"

"I really need to think about my choice of words." Erin muttered, head in hands.

_Ariel was, of course, now head over tailfin for Prince Eric. But she would probably never see him again due to whole 'He's human, She's a mermaid' thing. But when has that ever gotten in the way of love?_

_Quite often actually. I read on the internet that sailors used to throw themselves over the sides of boats to be with the 'mermaids' they saw under the sea but usually…_

"SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT, YOU FREAK!" Yes, Bakura was pissed off.

_Alright, alright. Keep your tail on. So, Ariel just happened to be swimming by the cave of the evil, ugly, homicidal, sadistic, narcissist…_

"Are you trying to make me feel bad or something?" Yami asked.

"Now come on, Yami, they are all very good qualities. Unfortunately you posses none of them." Bakura replied.

_Anyway she was this big half squid thing and her name was Ursula. She wanted to take over the world and she wanted Ariel's pretty voice as well._

"Well, my dear," Yami said, wearing a tail section that was crazier than his hair, (if that's even possible), "You want to become human?"

"Yes!"

"Well, all you have to do is give me your soul, I mean voice."

"Anything else?"

"You will only get your soul, I mean voice if Prince Eric kisses you."

"How'd you know about Eric?"

"My dear I know _all._"

"Really? Then what was in your lunch today?"

"Ham?"

"NO! Human!"

"Bakura!" Erin yelled, "Did you really put human flesh in that Pea and Ham soup?"

"Yep!" he replied, obviously proud of himself.

"YOU IDIOT! I ATE THAT! Who was it by the way?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out."

"Ewww…" muttered everyone who had eaten Bakura's soup.

"I think we should leave it there and continue on with the story." Mokuba noted.

_I think you're right. So anyway Ursula took Ariel's voice, turned her tailfins to legs, and dumped her on the beach. She also sent giant man eating crab after the girl as punishment for spiking the soup._

Said crab came on to stage and started chasing Bakura, who was now wearing a white dress. "Holy mother of…"

"Okay," Erin said, _extremely _confused, "I was joking about the crab."

"I wasn't." replied Yami.

"I'm not even going to ask…" the authoress muttered.

Thankfully for everyone, Joey came on stage, so Yami had to banish the giant crab so it didn't kill his friend.

"Excuse me, miss, but who are you?" Joey asked.

"I'm Bakura! All powerful and mighty thief king of the world!"

A random sandbag came down and hit Bakura on the head. "You idiot!" Erin yelled, "You can't talk! Your voice was taken!"

"Oh, yeah…"

"SHUT UP!"

_Grimsby took the now human Ariel to the palace. Prince Eric took the girl in and treated her like his own sister, while he harbored this fascination with the girl that had saved him in that storm._

_Of course, Ariel knew that she was that girl, but she couldn't tell him due to the whole 'can't talk because Ursula has my voice' thing. _

_Any way a year (I think) later…_

"Ariel! I have great news! I'm getting married!" Ryou yelled.

Bakura looked at Ryou in shock.

"To the girl that I told you about."

The only way to describe Bakura's face is this: ((O.O))

_In case you're wondering, this is not the sappy Disney version of the Little Mermaid, its Han Christen Anderson's, modified just a tad. And this version has a different ending._

_In fact the 'mermaid' was Ursula, trying to get with Eric, 'cause she decided he was hot._

Yami then came on looking _exactly_ like Bakura, which could only be achieved using Erin's (not so) mighty authoress powers.

"I met her in a far away land, when I was on that cruise, and when I met Princess Vanessa (note: I stole the name from the Disney version. So sue me.), and when I saw her, I knew it was the same girl."

'_Vanessa' and Eric got married the next week on a yacht. Ariel was there too. She looked over the bow of the boat, and saw her sisters in the ocean. Right then she regretted all she had done, and jumped off the boat to join her sisters in the sea._

_But, because now she was human, she couldn't breathe underwater, and she died. Because of her (cough) innocence (cough) she was made into a spirit of the air._

_And Eric realized that 'Vanessa' was a fake. So everyone lived unhappily ever after._

_The End (finally)._

"Erin?" Yami asked, "Can you change me back now?"

"But you look so _cute!_" Erin said sarcastically.

"Finally, one to mold in my own image!" Bakura said _very_ evilly.

"Please?" Yami pleaded.

"Maybe later." Erin said, smirking.

**

* * *

FINAL NOTE: **I'm looking for a beta reader! If anyone wants the job, they can _email_ me. (The address is on my profile). If anyone wants me to be their beta reader you can also _email_ me. I'll be happy to do it!


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